I thought God was Mad…
I thought God was mad at me…
Here I am in a room crying my eyes out because of my life. Things were seemingly going from bad to worse. I used to wonder if God had shut off the portal to which my prayers flowed through because of my disobedience. I would cry, Lord,” I’m sorry and had I knew what you knew from the beginning, I would have made better decisions. I sincerely thought God was mad at me.
Have you ever been there?
Do you have a mountain of regret steeped in your heart?
Do you fear that God is mad at you?
Many people believe God is mad at them. They believe; therefore, they don’t pray, neither do they believe that prayer will work for them. It’s like deep down, you blame yourself, and you feel like maybe your current circumstances are God’s way of bringing Karma to the doorsteps of your life.
I remember thinking through everything I had done wrong in that season. I went to the graveyard in my mind to dig up anything that could be a sign of why I was suffering the way that I was. The more I dug, the more guilty I felt. It was horrible. I thought, “all of this stuff,” I will be paying for the rest of my life.
One day the Lord reminded me, “Bettye, I have forgiven you now you need to forgive yourself,” FORGIVE ME! Wow- there isn’t a scripture on self-forgiveness as we know all of our faults are toward a Holy God. The concept was this; you are trying to pin your life circumstances on your wrongdoing instead of trusting that I have forgiven you and that my plan is still in place. No, this isn’t the perfect route I would have laid out for you, BUT even in your ”could have & should have” I AM STILL your Father. We will work through the mess of things, but you have to trust me-God.
If you are in a place of self-pity or in some moments you allow the devil to flood your thoughts with “God is mad at me,” I encourage you to deny that lie. If you have asked God to forgive you and turned away from the behavior, you are forgiven. As stated before, consequences may follow, BUT that does not change God’s will and purpose. God loves you. His love is without condition. We are so used to this worldly love that requires stuff out of you that it’s hard to accept that God loves you where you are but too much to leave you there.
If you are committing to make some changes this year, stay on course. Don’t allow the sins from your past to ruin your future.
There is this story in the Bible of the “Prodigal son.” He took his inheritance and left home. He spent all of his money on prostitution and partying. Once he came to the end of himself (meaning tired of living beneath his privileges) He thought to himself; I’m going to go back home. He left home as the son of a king, but he thought he would have to return as a servant. The Bible says when his dad saw him afar off, he ran to him to hug him. His father gave him a ring, robe, shoes, and restored him to his rightful place. The son had prepared this speech, but the only thing the father would listen to is, “I have sinned against heaven and in thy sight, and I am not worthy of being called your son. He didn’t feel worthy, thank God his feelings didn’t dictate his forgiveness.
If you are living mentally or physically beneath your means and too afraid to return home ( to God) as you fear you messed up too bad. The good news is you haven’t, and GOD is not mad at you. Stop basing your trials off of God’s love and anger. There are times when God chastise us BUT it is always for our good. Not for us to beat ourself up.
Like the prodigal son, I did not feel worthy of blessings, but God met me in my sorrow, forgave me, and healed my broken and shattered heart.
I encourage you to Make a decision today that you are going to pray wholeheartedly for forgiveness, forgive yourself, and return to the place of hope. You are worthy of total forgiveness no matter what you have done.
Be Encouraged
Bettye Nicole
